Rough Theory

So my Delegate Survival Kit has finally arrived. Sadly, its contents are disappointingly mundane: how to get from the airport to the conference, how to forage in and around Hobart (much mention of food, but not a single mention of coffee – I am deeply suspicious about the implications of this omission…). One provision did attract my attention, though:

Lost?

If you’re legitimately lost or late we’ll find you. A “lost soul’s” rescue mobile number will be included in the Conference Booklet. Midnight or “Wee-Small-Hours” revellers excepted.

“Legitimately” lost? As opposed to all you bludgers out there feigning lostness when you’re really just too cheap to pay for a cab? (And, evidently, as opposed to those who are simply too blindingly drunk to find a cab – although, in that case, I suspect the use of the “rescue mobile number” might also prove a bit of a challenge…)

I note a certain tension in the document between this apparent lack of sympathy for late night revellers, and the all caps promise that, even though the conference dinner will end at 9:30, “THERE ARE PLENTY OF PLACES TO KICK-ON LATER!” Perhaps by that point, one is not supposed to care if one ends up lost…